Shrinking Jeans

Been at this weighloss thing 12 days now - and today my jeans are noticeably looser!  That hasn't happened in a long time!  Two weeks ago I was out with my parents doing some after Christmas shopping - and needless to say my jeans were very tight...and well, getting into my dad's truck I managed to rip them in the seam...why?  because my ass was too big!  It was more than a little embarassing...as I had to tie my mother's rain jacket around my waste and trek down to Lane Bryant and buy a new pair of jeans - and I had to buy them a size bigger!  WOW!  Talk about your weight giving you a kick in the ass...or a rip in the ass of your pants!  After 12 days and loosing 5 lbs though I can say that woo-hoo jeans are looser today!  And it feels good - it feels really really good! I just need to remember this when I want to snack or eat or nibble....i need to go back tot his feeling - this feeling of "I have accomplished something - I AM making PROGRESS!"!

I am not a Dog

When journaling my food over the past week and trying to be more "aware" of what i'm putting in my mouth, times, surroundings etc.  I have come to the conclusion that I use food as a reward...for good and bad! "I've had a bad day, I think i'll eat a cupcake to make me feel better"...or..."I just got my yearly review, it was great, I think i'll go eat a steak"...this kind of thinking is what has gotten me to where I am!  It is a constant struggle for me not to view food as a reward...for suffering through a miserable day at work or for doing something great - i tend to immediately turn to food! 

Recognizing this...writing this...hopefully this will make me more aware and that's the first step! 
After getting on the scale today I'm down 5 lbs total...and it's January 11th!  That means I'm over halfway to my January goal and it's not yet halfway through the month!  But I shall not reward myself with food for this achievement!  I do NOT want to see the scales inch up only to have to make up for it next week! 

Impact of Weight on Body

Wow - this seriously makes me think...look at how the additional weight of a 200 lb person versus 120 lb person has on a boday - bones, joints, internal organs etc.  Obesity isn't only about how i look in my jeans (not good by the way) but it's about being unhealthy and what this is doing to my body.  Makes you think!  Doesn't it?

2012

So originally started blog in July 2011...and i haven't done squat with it since!  But..new year...new goals...same weight (ok, well a little bit more)...so...will use this blog as my regular sounding board on my weight loss journey! 

Day 3 of 2012 - So far so good on eating...have not "blown it' yet - have paid attention to what goes in my mouth...however, have struggled towards the end of the day.  First day back at my job since having some vacay days - and I HATE MY JOB - so i can tell i want to go emotionally eat!  But am resisting by writing on this blog!  It's important to recognize your eating triggers...and I am proud of myself for recognizing this!  A little while ago I said to msyelf "I wanna go eat something" and I stopped and recognized that I'm not hungry (thanks to eating a whole wheat english muffin with natural peanut butter on it for breakfast) I'm just trying to avoid dealing with my crappy job and work load!  yay for recognizing! baby steps!

Instead of making a grand resolution this year - i'm taking it Month by Month!  My first goal is January!  Tackle January (worst month of the year in my book!) and then proceed!  So here are my January Goals...

January 2012 Goals
1. Exercise 20 out of 31 days...that will be 2/3rds of the month - and compared to zero exercising in the past I think that's a remarkable goal!  I exercised on 1/1/12 but was so sore from it couldn't exercise the next day - ha!  That's what we call OUT OF SHAPE!
2. No binging!  Stay on a consistent calorie watching and journaling roll!  Do it for the entire month of January and hopefully it'll stick!
3. Loose 10 lbs!  that's an ambitious goal - but started the month at 286....want to be at 276 by January 31st!

I CAN SOOOOOOOO DO THIS! 

Not even a good haircut can fix this!

There I sat in the shampoo chair - enjoying getting my hair washed - the warm water, the aromatic oils that had been rubbed on my temples - so relaxing!  I needed a good haircut - to shape up my hair, make me feel refreshed and invigorated.  After finishing the shampoo and walking over to the salon chair with my hair in the towel I caught a glimpse of someone in the mirror - a heavy girl oddly enough with the same earrings as I was wearing, humph...she must have pretty good taste.  Salons are notorious for mirrors all around you (so if you get a good haircut Yay! but if you get a bad haircut crap!!).  Then as I sit down in the stylists' chair I notice that the "heavy" girl IS ME!  I stare for a minute...granted no one is pretty with all of their hair twisted and piled high on their head - but it's me!  Lucky for me this is a FULL mirror - floor to ceiling and set an angle - and I'm wearing a skirt and I don't have the luxury of having a smock on yet - so I get the full view - my from my thick ankles to my heavy thighs to my roll that is touching both arm rests on each side as I'm sitting there all the way up to my big boobs sitting on top of my roll and then my heavy face/cheeks.  WOW!

Oddly enough the girl looking at me in the mirror isn't how I feel - i don't feel like I look like her - but it's me.  Reality is starting to sink in....and I realize what i've been doing....for the past few years I've been avoiding looking at the real me....by getting my nails done, feet manicured, eyebrows waxed, hair highlighted and cut...all in an effort to make myself look better...but in reality...i've put all of this effort into "fixing" myself when the real "fix" would be to loose weight.  because when I look at myself in the mirror at the salon I realize that no haircut can fix this.  I can keep going back and cutting and highlighting and it's never gonna be just right - because it won't fix the fat!  I've got to fix the fat!!!

The first time I entered on this blog was in February...now it's July 25th and where am I?  Same place (if not worse) than I was on Feb. 6th!  So I'm going to make msyelf enter comments on this blog EVERYDAY!!!!!  no matter what to keep my weightloss goal in front of me!  Something must be entered - doesn't matter if it's substantial - just something!

Day 1

So...after years of dieting and loosing and gaining i'm now in my 30's...ok...33...and i'm still fat!  I hate having to shop around "what fits" not "what looks good".  I've had babies...ok twins...8 months ago - it's time to get the baby weight and the other weight off...for good...thinking if I have a blog that I write in EVERY SINGLE DAY that I'll be better at this - blogging is easier than writing and keep a journal - and well, i've tried everythign else..why not this!  So...here goes!
Today - i've only eaten and egg mcmuffin and had some coffee..not bad huh?  Let' just hope my chocoalte craving doesn't kick in later - and speaking of chocolate - time to rid the house of valentine's candy! 

At lunch today i'm going to visit the new Earth Fare - i'm definitely going to get stuff to cook Quinoa - a new for me...and will keep to my healthy plan - b/c when i'm in control of my eating i'm more in control of my life! 

It's only 10:42 a.m. though...so...to be continued!